Stupid First Dates
by notagoodplace4gods
Summary: "I'm really bad at first dates, so, tomorrow's gonna suck, I'm just calling to give you a heads up." aka the fic in which Dick and Wally are the best boyfriends because they're best friends


"I'm really bad at first dates." Wally says immediately after Dick picks up the phone and, when he hears nothing but the sound of his boyfriend breathing on the other line, starts to think that this probably wasn't a good idea. "So. Tomorrow's gonna suck, I'm just calling to give you a heads up."

"Wally." Dick's voice sounds groggy and Wally suddenly remembers that they live in different timezones. They've only started dating officially two days ago, after a long time of awkward pining, sexually frustrated fighting, and drunk hook ups that they both pretended not to remember, and Wally's already messing this up. Wow. That's probably a new record.

"Sorry. Sorry. Ugh. You were probably sleeping, right? It's super late, and I'm calling you anyway because I'm a bad boyfriend. Shit. I'm going to hang up now..."

"Wally, it's okay." Dick stops him right there. "I'm actually glad you called. I fell asleep early today, but I need to patrol."

"Dude, you sound exhausted. I'm sure Bluedhaven can survive one night without its hero. Give yourself a break."

"It's okay, I had three hours of sleep already, I'm good to go." He hears Wally make a disapproving sound on the other line and adds: "Bruce sometimes has even less sleep and you don't see him complaining about it."

"Yeah, but you're not Bruce. Dick, you're not Batman. Do we need to have this conversation again?"

"I thought you called to tell me how much you suck, not to go all mother hen on me. Let's go back to talking about how much of a loser you are."

Wally groans, but can't help the small smile that takes over his face.

"Yeah, we're going back to it in a minute, but first, I need to make sure you're not going on patrol sleep deprived. Promise me you're not going. You just returned from a 30 hours surveillance mission and you need the rest."

"How do you know about the mission? Who told on me? Was it Artemis?"

"Yes, and so did Barbara and Tim by the way. They all worry you're overworking yourself." Wally says and Dick groans because _of course._

"But why would they go to you about that? We just started dating and haven't told anyone."

"Dude, they don't know we're dating, but they know how much I care about you. I think they've known, long before I did, actually. Artemis used to make jokes about how married we used to be, all the time."

"Oh god, we were such idiots back then." Dick shakes his head, smiles and just knows, by the tone of his boyfriend's voice, Wally's smiling back at him.

"Back then, being two days ago. Because I know that I'd never have figured out you liked me if you hadn't so eloquently showed me by shoving your tongue down my throat when we got to Mt Justice from that mission in Metropolis. Not that I'm complaining, but a little heads up would have been nice."

"Yeah, no. I realize I could have dealt better with things and just talked to you, but I was so stressed out after that horrible mission. We found the evidence we came for and arrested the bad guy but we didn't prove Luthor was the one in charge of the whole operation. And somehow he turned it all into good publicity, he came out as the one who had been suspicious of an illegal activity all along and called us to investigate. He totally played us, again, and I wasn't whelmed about it. Also, Bruce was being an idiot and refusing to accept my help with the break from Arkham, even though he so obviously needed it. And to top it all off, there was you!"

"Me?" Wally narrows his eyes, trying to remember everything he did on that particular day. "But I didn't do anything."

"Exactly. You were there and you were being so nice and asking if I wanted to talk about what was bothering me. You were there and you weren't _kissing me."_

"Ah." Wally can't help the snort sound that left his mouth. "Not kissing you is horrible, so horrible it should be considered a crime. The only thing worse than not kissing you is going on patrol when you should be resting so you'll be in a good mood tomorrow and not break up with me when I eventually ruin everything."

"Come, on. You're not going to ruin this."

"But I am. Dude, weren't you paying attention when I told you about all my previous dates?"

"Not really, I was too busy being jealous of them for being there with you."

"Aww." Wally says, but his heart's not in it. He sounds frustrated. "They were all horrible, oh my god. Once I ate so much, I threw up at this girl's shoes and she told me she never wanted to see me again, which backfired really quickly because we had a bunch of classes together. This other time I went to the bathroom and when I came back, the girl wasn't there anymore. The other girl answered some guy's phone call and told him that no, she wasn't busy so she could talk. And the worst thing is I can't even tell it was the girls' fault because I was being a jerk. I kept bragging and trying to woo them with stupid, disrespectful pick up lines and, argh, it was so bad."

"I bet it was, Walls. But none of this is going to happen to us, okay? We'd never do shit like this to each other, dude. We're boyfriends, but first and foremost, we're best friends and..."

"And that is a problem, too." Wally cuts him off. "Dude, first dates are getting to know each other dates! People talk about what they do, what they're interested in and tell crazy exaggerated stories to impress the other. But I already know everything about you, and vice-versa. Dude, I know your coffee order and all the stuff you're allergic to and you know about every single worth telling adventure I've had as Kid Flash so well, you could probably volunteer to be a tour guide in the Flash museum and win employee of the month or something!"

"We do know a lot about each other." Dick pauses as he's hit with the most brilliant idea _ever._ "So, are you willing to put this knowledge to a test?"

"What?" That got Wally's attention.

"Look, I doubt a date with you could suck. I mean, nothing could be worse than that time you made me sit through a pirate movie marathon, but, since you're so anxious, maybe we could make a game out of it? Take the pressure of the whole thing and just have a little fun?"

"I'm listening."

"We could go on our first date as each other, since we know the other so well. Do you think you have what it takes to do Dick Grayson?"

"I'm afraid I don't have enough hair gel, but I'll give my best shot. Especially because... " Wally stops, for a second, and Dick just _knows_ what's coming.

"Go ahead and say it. Get it out of your system."

"Because I'd love to _do_ Dick Grayson." The redhead smiles and then adds, in case Dick didn't catch it. "If you know what I mean."

"Oh my god, you're so bad at this, it's amazing. You are the worst."

"You love it, though."

He can hear the _wink_ in Wally's voice and Dick doesn't want to encourage it, but he can't lie anymore. He loves Wally and he loves all the lame, cheesy lines that go along with dating the nerd. He just really hates how far gone in love he is, except that he doesn't really hate it but sometimes he likes to pretend he has some dignity left.

"But what about your take on me? Give me a preview of your Wally West, come on."

"Hmm. Food. Science. Bro. Flash fan club." Dick thinks for a few seconds, and fake coughs, suddenly determined to copy the other's voice. "Yeah, bro, I still like girls, but I guess you could say I'm gay for Dick. Oh, wait, this didn't come out right..."

The sound of Wally's laughter fills his empty room in Bluedhaven and Dick's smile turns so big it hurts the sides of his cheeks, just from picturing the movements that always come along with it. He pictures his boyfriend's head thrown back, his entire body shaking and face flushed and feels his chest warm with happiness and a little pride because _he made Wally laugh._ Making Wally laugh isn't hard at all, but still, it's such a beautiful, unique sound. Dick can't help but feel incredibly proud of it.

"You're a dick." Wally, says, between laughs, and some part of Dick wants to record it and use it as his ringtone, but the other part is reminding him that he already did it once, three years ago. "I love you, though." When the redhead finally stops laughing, his tone changes from mopy to tender.

"Well, aren't you a little forward? We haven't even gone out in our first date and you're telling me you love me already." Dick fake scoffs.

"That's how I roll, Baby." Wally says and Dick can hear another wink in his voice. "That's actually how we roll. Dude, we keep messing this up and doing things out of order. We have already kissed and held hands and stuff, do you want to just skip the dreadful first date and just go all the way to our wedding or something?"

"Wow. Wally West, are you proposing to me over the phone? Because, if you are, this is the worst proposal ever and I'm gonna..."

"Nah, Bro, just kidding." Wally cuts him off. "When I do it, I'm gonna do it right, there's going to be a ring, I'm going down on one knee and there's probably going to be flowers and your favorite song and some skywriting, maybe? What are your feelings on that, by the way? I already have everything planned, but I can compromise,"

Dick considers laughing at him. He considers hanging up, and then laughing at him the moment Wally calls him again, but he can't do it. He can't get over the fact that Wally said "when" instead of "if."

"Are you..." He feels the dryness of his lips and licks them. "Have you really thought about it? About... Marrying me?"

"I,uh." Wally's tone drops and Dick feels guilty for the sudden change of mood. "Is that creepy of me? I mean, it probably is, we just started dating. We haven't even gone out on a real date, for god's sake. Oh, my god, I suck at this. Worst boyfriend award goes to me, yay." He sounds reluctant and self depreciative and that's a side of Wally people rarely get to see but that Dick knows too well. The happy go lucky redhead who's always smiling and being extra cheerful drops the walls when he's around him; with Dick he doesn't pretend or lie and, yes, Dick is proud he makes his boyfriend feel safe enough to share his inner turmoils, but he's also uneasy whenever Wally does it because Wally's the best person in the world and he shouldn't doubt himself, ever.

Every time Wally's smile falters, a puppy dies. And Dick Grayson is a superhero, he can't let any more puppies die. He won't.

"No, I don't think it's creepy. It just took me by surprise, dude. I mean, it's legal now and that's great, but you just turned twenty, we're too young." He knows it's the wrong thing to say as soon as he says it and grows a little desperate. What can he say to fix this?

"Yeah, I get it." Wally goes and Dick wants to interrupt him, because, no, he doesn't get it. He can't get it because Dick doesn't really mean it, but he didn't know what to say then and he doesn't know what to say now. "Plus, I just started college and have no money. I mean, I know you do, but I want to make a life for myself first and would mostly like to avoid being called a gold digger on national television." He snorts at that, and keeps going. "And I don't really want to skip any more steps, I mean. We'll have some sucky dates, but we're gonna have some awesome ones too, and they're gonna make it all worth it. I wanna date you, I wanna fight over you being a workaholic asshole with a death wish and then I wanna have the greatest make up sex ever. I wanna move in with you and wake up next to you every day and then, just then, I wanna marry you. So, don't worry, nothing's happening in the immediate future. Just... someday, you know, when I come up with something more to say in a marriage proposal than you're my best friend and I love you."

Dick closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. "That's a good plan."

"Yeah." Wally says and Dick knows he has less than a second before the speedster changes the subject and the moment is lost, so he hurries.

"And I'm going to say yes."

"What?" Wally asks because he probably heard it wrong. He must have heard it wrong.

"When you ask. I'm going to say yes." He pauses for a second and then says it again. "Wally, I'm going to say yes to your ridiculously sappy marriage proposal." And the more he says it, the more sure he is about it and it's ridiculous. He can't know that, and yet he does. His heart is certain and it is so loud Dick can't hear the sad sceptic in his mind complaining that he can't predict the future. He's certain because: "You're my best friend and I love you and we're going to get married. You know, someday. If we survive the terrible, horrible first date tomorrow."

"Fuck." That's the only thing Wally can say to that, his voice a little mixed up with _emotions._ "I've completely forgotten about this stupid first date." And Dick laughs, wholeheartedly.

"You know what? Maybe we should just stay home and watch some movies instead of going out, what do you say?"

"I'm so glad you suggested it." Wally says, rather smug, and then doesn't say anything else.

It takes Dick five seconds of post smugness silence and then it clicks.

"Because you're already here?" He gets up, walking towards the door. "Of course you're here, I'm not even surprised."

"Hey." Wally hangs up and flashes Dick his brightest smile, when he opens the door. "Someone had to stop you from going on patrol, right? And before you start complaining, it's past midnight, so you know, it's tomorrow already, I'm just a little early for our date."

"I thought Flashes are supposed to be always late for stuff, not early." Dick's suddenly stuck with the realization that he looks like hell; he just woke up, he didn't even have a chance to shower before and this would be a problem if he had been on a first date with anyone else, but this is Wally and Wally has seen him worse many times. This first date doesn't really feel like a first date because it's with best friend and he's officially whelmed.

"Do you wanna complain some more or do you wanna eat some of Aunt I's cookies I brought?"

"Is there anything left in there?" Dick takes the box from his hand, shakes it, and it's as empty as he suspected it to be.

"Fine, let me rephrase it, do you wanna complain some more or do you wanna cuddle your tired future fiancé, who ran here all the way from Central City?" He brings his hand up, revealing a ring pop, slips it into Dick's finger, and it's the most ridiculous thing Dick has ever seen, but oh, god, he just loves Wally so much.

"Best first date ever." He throws the box away and hugs his best friend's neck, pulling him in for a kiss that tastes like chocolate. It tastes like _never being more sure of anything in his life_ feels and Dicks smiles against his boyfriend's lips.


End file.
